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Political Correctness is Stupid

Just when you thought the political correctness craze that started in this country some time in the 1990’s was over, here comes another ridiculous example of people being stupid, while in the process trying to indirectly destroy yet another Christmas tradition.

Santas warned ‘ho ho ho’ offensive to women
Wed Nov 14, 9:45 PM ET

Santas in Australia’s largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas’s traditional “ho ho ho” greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha” instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use “ho ho ho” because it could frighten children and was too close to “ho”, a US slang term for prostitute.

“Gimme a break,” said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

“We are talking about little kids who do not understand that “ho, ho, ho” has any other connotation and nor should they,” she told the Telegraph.

“Leave Santa alone.”

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was “misleading” to say the company had banned Santa’s traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

God, I hate political correctness. I don’t like racism at all but this constant big-brother-like monitoring of every little thing we say in fear of possibly offending someone is out of control. This particular instance reeks to me of an over-zealous feminist movement but whatever the case, it’s just stupid.

Guess what people: some words have two meanings. HO in reference to laughing was around long before Don Imus got sacked for saying it on the air. Ho is also the name of the recently deceased Hawaiian singer, Don Ho, not to mention the last name of a zillion Asian people. Should I not mention their names around the office? When I work in the garden, I sometimes use a hoe. Perhaps we should change the name of that particular garden tool to “dirt-pusher” or something so as not to offend the sluts of the world… which brings me to another point…

WHY should women be offended by the word HO. Shouldn’t only a small subsection of them be offended? Namely, the whores of the world. I mean, can’t we just wait until all the “ladies of the evening” rise up in horror at this blatant attack on their moral character? Please.

In this country we’ve reached the point where we can’t go up to someone and say “Merry Christmas” anymore for fear that they might be offended, and to me that’s just sad. In the old days, the receiving party might just simply say, “Oh, I don’t do Christmas but thanks!” and walk away a little happier because someone thought enough to wish them a Merry ANYTHING AT ALL. Now, if you get your Holiday greeting wrong, you’re liable to get a knife stuck in you. Or worse yet, sued.

Offending people is not against the law. Get some thicker skin. If you are a woman and you’re offended by a fat man in a red suit laughing - you’ve got bigger problems than you think.

Merry Fucking Christmas.

Meet The New Edgeless Eagles

Eagles - Long Road Out Of EdenThe new album by The Eagles, “Long Road Out Of Eden” is nice. That’s about all I can say about it. It’s nice like that female friend of yours that you want to hook your buddy up with who’s not really that pretty but has a nice personality. The album has some “nice” songs, but in the end she’s not worth marrying. Or maybe she’s just not my type?

For an album that took over 5 years to make, it certainly didn’t blow me away. There’s a lesson there, of course, and that’s overanalyzation is probably a bad thing. Some of my favorite songs are tunes that the artists jokingly referred to as “written in 5 minutes”. Whether or not that’s a lie or the best way to write a song is subjective but if you take 5 years to make a recording, it better damn well rock my socks off.

This release from one of my all-time favorite rock bands, much like later releases from some of my other favorite classic rockers like Paul McCartney and Bryan Adams, just doesn’t cut the mustard. What’s worse is that there are two discs of it and some of the songs are upwards of 7-10 minutes long.

I’ll just say this and get it out of the way. The Eagles have forgotten how to rock. They still roll, but rolling can be described as easy, smooth and repetitive. Rolling down a hill isn’t all that hard to do.

The production is way too slick and that classic “Eagles sound” that I love so much is nowhere to be found. This sounds like a glorified Don Henley solo album with a couple of the Eagles supplying session duties.

Some might say it unfair to compare the new album to their old material but I say that’s baulderdash. They’re still the same people and capable of the same things. It looks like they’ve just gotten older and are making music for older people. Too bad.

Let’s talk “edge” now. I don’t mean the guitarist from U2. I’m talking about that hard rocking distorted guitar that sat right up in your lap and demanded you listen or else. Seething, sharp guitar riffs that bit you on the lip and slapped you in the face. “Already Gone”, “Life in the Fast Lane”, and “The Long Run” all come to mind.

So what’s missing? Well, to me it’s two things. One is the production style of “less is more” and the other is two words: Don Felder. Wow do I miss that guy. I think he’s part of what gave the Eagles their harder edge. On this new piece, even the harder guitar solos feel further back in the mix and processed. Don’s work on the older albums was always a little more raw and when he and Joe Walsh harmonized or traded off, it was pure bliss.

Don Felder : Eagles :: Good Dressing : Salad

I don’t hear anything at all exciting on this entire release. I hear a lot of slick harmonies and happy chord progressions but nothing really trend-setting or ground breaking. What I liked about the old Eagles was their ability to merge styles in a no-nonsense way with minimalist production/effects to muck with the sound. Everything sounded more “live” if that makes any sense. The earlier albums right up to “The Long Run” all sounded like you just happened to walk into the room as these guys were playing.

They’re so homogenized now that even Joe Walsh has lost his edge. Where’s the bluesy, slide guitar? Oh it’s there somewhere. You’ll hear it on tunes like, “Somebody” but again it’s almost like background noise. You almost don’t notice it. Joe’s latin tinged “Last Good Time In Town” almost seems out of place. Don’t these guys know how to create a catchy guitar riff anymore?

One of the only mainstays here is Timothy B. Schmidt, but he was always a schmoozy falsetto singer. “I Don’t Want To Hear Anymore” is his big stand-out on this album. With its organ and electric piano, you can almost tell that he’s trying to regain the magic of “I Can’t Tell You Why” but it’s not quite the same. Much like his earlier hit from “Hell Freezes Over” called “Love Will Keep Us Alive”, the song seems to just plod on pleasantly with very few changes and nothing really interesting happening.

The acoustic guitar driven songs, like “No More Cloudy Days” almost sound anti-acoustic. The piano is louder than the acoustic guitar. Like many of the other songs you’ll hear on this set, it sounds like moody stuff you’d hear in a fancy restaurant. It’s pleasant enough to eat to but not interesting enough to ask what it actually is.

Yes they’re all great singers, but we have known that for years. Yes, they harmonize perfectly. They’re accomplished singer-songwriters. They’ve written so many great songs in the past, time after time. There’s not one dud album (until now). So…maybe I expected too much?

Maybe, but I can’t keep myself from saying - 5 years for this? Nothing memorable, nothing I want to listen to over and over. I guess I should have known from the studio tracks on “Hell Freezes Over” that this was the direction they were headed. It’s almost like an album of B-sides from Henley or Frey solo records.

Come to think of it, it probably should be filed under “Easy Listening” or “Adult Contemporary” or something similar. These songs fit right in with the stuff you hear in the Dentist’s waiting room.

If my expectations were too high it was only because I wanted The Eagles to sound like… The Eagles. Defenders will say that it’s not cool to just expect them to do more of the same after all these years. Well, I’m into the whole idea of doing something “different” or whatever, but at least do something interesting. These songs are not interesting to me outside of the one or two catchy lines of lyrics thrown into each song. It’s like incidental soundtrack music with lyrics. Don sounds angry, Glenn sounds tired, Tim sounds about the same, and Joe sounds like a shadow of his former self. I don’t understand what happened to these guys.

Did they just get old? If so, then the critics got old too. The set is getting pretty positive reviews with people comparing it to their Desperado days. Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t see it. There are a few “moments” that try to evoke that old magic (”How Long”, “I Love To Watch A Woman Dance”) but they fall horribly short in my eyes. I can’t be the only person to see it, can I?

It reminds me of when Van Halen put out their album “Balance” and I thought to myself, “Well, they’ve finally done it. They’ve finally made a record with not one song that I liked.” That’s when I knew that band was dead. They have yet to recover, at least in the studio.

The bottom line is that The Eagles are a different band now and that’s too bad. I’m sure there are folks out there who love the new stuff as much as the old and good for them. Unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to be one of those people. I wanted to like it and I listened to it with hope but it just let me down. I’ll keep the tracks on my iPod in the hopes that they grow on me at least a little but I usually know early on if I’m going to like something. It’ll reel me in and make me say, “Hey, I need to listen to that again…”

“Long Road Out Of Eden” just makes me want to go listen to “Hotel California” or “The Long Run” and remember why I liked The Eagles in the first place.

May The Catch-phrase Be With You

Original Story - LONDON (AFP)

“I’ll be back” is the line from a film most commonly used in everyday conversation, according to a British survey out Thursday. The words from the 1984 blockbuster “The Terminator”, uttered by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the title role, topped the poll.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”, Rhett Butler’s closing line in the 1939 epic “Gone With The Wind”, came second in the survey of 2,000 people conducted by the myfilms.com website, the UK Film Council’s cinema and film finder.

“Beam me up, Scotty” from “Star Trek” is third — even though it was never actually said in any episode of the television series or the spin-off films. The eighth most used, “Do you feel lucky, punk?”, attributed to Clint Eastwood’s character Harry Callahan in “Dirty Harry” (1971), is also a misquotation.

All the top 10 most commonly used lines were spoken by men. Elsewhere in the survey, men said they would most like to have starred in the James Bond films and the “Star Wars” and “The Lord of the Rings” sagas. Women opted for “Dirty Dancing”, “Pretty Woman” and “Gone With The Wind”.

Top 10 must used film lines:

1. “I’ll be back.” (”The Terminator”)

2. “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” (”Gone With The Wind”)

3. “Beam me up, Scotty.” (”Star Trek”)

4. “May the force be with you.” (”Star Wars”)

5. “Life is like a box of chocolates.” (”Forrest Gump”)

6. “You talking to me?” (”Taxi Driver”)

7. “Show me the money.” (”Jerry Maguire”)

8. “Do you feel lucky, punk?” (”Dirty Harry”)

9. “Here’s looking at you, kid.” (”Casablanca”)

10. “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.” (”Dirty Dancing”)

A Musical Update

Lou on guitar and vocalsAfter a long while away from music, I started to put things in motion about a year ago to get back in the scene. There have been more valleys than peaks but things are progressing and that’s the important part. I have a few things going on so I thought it time to write a little something to update everyone - or at least those who care. You know who you are, baby.

Hearsay - The Cover Band

Hearsay is a cover band I started to put together in September 2006 when I decided to get back out there. I figured a cover band would be something I could put together easily. Wow, was I off on that one. It’s over a year later and we’re still not playing gigs yet but we’ve had line-up mishaps and other things preventing that. We’ve had this rotating guitar slot for a long time now and we just can’t seem to get the right person in there.

We had a guy in the beginning but he didn’t play lead and nor do I, so we essentially had two rhythm players which doesn’t work. We found a younger kid who played some lead but he didn’t really work out. We auditioned a bunch of other guys and nothing came of it. Then the original guy left and it was down to just me which wasn’t going to work since I was also singing and don’t do any leads.

In our darkest hour, along came this guy Charlie who seemed like he was the one. He learned everything I threw at him in no time, he had the right attitude, and he got along with everyone. He seemed into it and all of the sudden we went from knowing 10 songs to 30 songs in a few months. We played a really fun show in my backyard on Labor Day and just when we were about to start booking real gigs, he pulled out citing that he wanted to be in an original band.

Yea, I know. Go figure. He knew what he was getting into. I don’t get it either. However, he’s really such a nice guy so we all just wished him well and tried not to get angry. The downer is we lost a few months of time. It set us back in a big way and we all felt like a rug was pulled out from under us. We were determined to carry on, however.

Carry on, we did. We haven’t really rehearsed since then, but we have taken advantage of the lull to clean out my garage and start getting it ready to practice in. This way we don’t have to pay for rehearsal space or play with other people’s equipment. I have a full PA we can make use of and everyone can bring their own amps. The drummer, Dave, can use my drums and he’s already started cleaning them and setting them up for his use.

Charlie quit on a Monday and by Tuesday I had ads up on the internet but nothing panned out. That Saturday, however, I got a phone call from an old friend I used to be in a band with around 15 years ago or something like that. The first real major band I was in was called Masquerade and it was an original hard rock outfit. Elio played guitar and I played drums in that band and we had a blast. We’ve remained friends ever since even thought we had a few dry years where we’d lose touch. The last few years was one of those dry periods but he tracked me down on the internet and found me.

He was really just looking to say hi and get back in touch but then he saw the ads for a guitarist which I had also posted on MySpace as well as on craigslist. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Here’s a guy I have instant chemistry with and know well. I know he can play guitar amongst other things. I know he’s got a good personality and will fit in with everyone else perfectly. He’s in the same place I was last year - out of the scene but looking to get back in. It just felt right.

So I get back in touch with my friend AND I get a guitarist looking to play - BONUS! We’re going to get together on 11/7 at my place to just sort of bang through some of the tunes alone so he can get a feel for the arrangements and I can coach him through some of the details. Then on 11/14 we’re going to have him officially come down and audition with the band. I want to just make sure the guys are ok with everything before we add him to the line-up.

I’m really excited about this and he is too. The last time we played together was probably the very early 90’s and I was behind the kit. Now, we’ll both be up front and having fun. I have a very good feeling about this and barring any major mishaps, I think we’re going to get right back on track with this cover band. We’ll start to work our way up to 60 songs but as soon as we’re back up to 30, we’ll start to gig and hopefully we’ll see some of you out there.

The Solo Stuff

Playing in a cover band is great fun and I’m really enjoying it. I’ve always, however, been in original bands and I like writing songs of my own. I’ve written a few over the years that I’d like to maybe re-record or record for the first time. I have a lot of songs in my head that I need to get out of me.

So I’ve decided that for the first time, I’m going to try to make an album not with a “band” but under my name. The plan is to make it mostly collaborative, meaning I’ll get together with friends and write/record.

I’ve been recently reconnecting with a lot of old friends of mine from back in the day and we’ve been really enjoying talking about the old days while talking about what we can still do today. I’m not sure why or how all this reconnecting is happening but I’m surely thankful for it. I really miss some of these people and I’m glad they’re back around.

It’s a feeling of things coming full circle in a weird way. Everyone’s done things, gone their own way, and now we’re all meeting up again. That can never be a bad thing. So I’ve been in contact with a few old buddies and we’ve started the ball rolling on my project as well as their current projects as well.

My first adventure is with my friend Brian Fitzpatrick. He’s already tasted success, has a few albums, toured all over, directed videos, and done lots of artwork for some really huge projects like The Rolling Stones’ Rock N Roll Circus and CD covers for some Wes Anderson film soundtracks, not to mention a zillion other cool things. We reconnected through MySpace and decided to get together and write a song. we’d see how it went and take it from there.

I went over, we sat down, and within an hour we had a really great song written. We walked over to the computer and laid down a few basic tracks and started to build it from there. In between my visits he added and deleted things, changed some details and generally made the song better. We threw down some first-pass vocals and that’s where we left off. It’s sounds great and we’re excited about it. If it goes well, I sure hope we write more.

The agreement is dual ownership - very laid back. We both use it wherever and whenever we want. That’s a rule I’m going to keep. So no matter who I work with, if we’ve both written the song, we just use it how we see fit. These are friends, not business partners. Everyone’s cool and we are too old to deal with bull. We’re having a great time. The song we’re working on is called, “The Stories That They’ll Tell.”

I’ve also reconnected with a former band mate from The Automatics, Chris Preston. Chris is probably the most talented musician I’ve ever worked directly with at any time. Musically speaking, that was the best band I was ever in and I learned a lot about playing guitar and bass, though I was the drummer at the time. It was more than a band; it was an education and it was a good time. There were so many great songs that are now just in a box but more on that project is coming up later…

Chris and his lovely wife and daughter came to my Labor Day BBQ and we threw the idea around about maybe getting together. Afterwards we discussed it further and decided to write a tune and see how it went. Much like what happened with Brian, we sat, wrote, and out came this tune. He dealt out a groove with some nice chords, we built on it, he added some funky piano, I threw in a title and some lyrics, and there was the song.

He’s got a great little room down in his basement with all his gear, a piano, the computer and lots of other gadgets. He’s also working on a new album so we agreed that whatever he needs, I’ll provide for him. He might need drums or something else and that’s no problem for me. I’m glad to do it.

So everything’s working out great so far and I’m really having a ball. It’s lots of laughs, a laid-back attitude, and a feeling of being “home” again musically. These are great folks I’ve reconnected with and I’m not done yet. I’ve got to drop by Supreme Sound Studio soon and meet up with my old pal Brian “Willy” Csensits and propose we write something. I’ve also talked to a guy I used to work with at Robbie’s years back, Tom Hayes, who has a studio in Clifton. I’ve written a blues tune for us to record when he’s ready. Reconnecting with Elio for the cover band thing will probably lead to us writing a few more songs on the side. Plus I have a few that I’ve written myself that I’m ready to start recording demos of.

So yea, there’s a lot going on. The one thing I’m lacking in, however, is a studio. I don’t have a good set-up for recording. In fact, I don’t have anything at all. I did manage to get some software recently so I’m looking into learning how to use it. It’s very daunting to me because there’s so much involved with audio recording and so much you can do. I also need to get a midi interface so I can plug my guitar/microphone into the computer and record it. I just don’t have the cash right now. Soon…

Hopefully all this collaboration and recording I do at home will result in the first ever album that will bear my name on it. I’m not sure what it’ll be called or when it’ll ever be done but I can tell you that I’m really excited about it.

Old Automatics Stuff

As I mentioned before, while getting together with Chris, I realized that he has boxes of old master tapes and videos from when we were in The Automatics. Now, the band never really put out a proper album in the sense of the word. We made a lot of demos and used them for gigs and what not but we never really mastered them or put all the finishing touches on things. I have to say, however, that the things we recorded sounded great. They didn’t sound like demos, even when we recorded at home. We accomplished a lot with very little.

So I proposed to Chris that we take all the old stuff, check it out, see what’s what, master/remaster it all and put out an official release called “The Automatics Greatest Hits” which is a tongue-in-cheek title, as you can guess. I also think that since there’s so much great video he has lying around that we make this a 2-disc set (yes there’s that much music) with a bonus DVD!

It sounds like an easy project but I think it’s going to take some time and be a big deal. Chris is into the idea, though, and while the other third of the band, Nelson, is way too far away to participate, we’re hoping to somehow include him, even if it’s just recording commentary or something.

I really love the songs from this period and it kills me to see them just disappear. Creating this CD/DVD set would give them some more authenticity, as well as showcase the great writing by Chris and Nelson. Plus it’s nice to play something that sounds great and tell people that’s me on there. It’s a piece of my musical history that I miss and I think people will like the songs today just as much as they did then. You never know who’ll end up with a copy. Sometimes people like what they hear and one thing leads to another… More on this as it deveops.

So as you can see, I’m quite busy musically but I’m taking it in stride, one day at a time. The thing about music is that it’s not stressful. It’s creative and it’s fun. It’s something I feel is in me. It’s something I can’t escape or put away for too long. I learn, I get better, I get more confident, and I keep moving forward.

I have a great bunch of guys in Hearsay to play with, I have a bunch of wonderful other friends to collaborate with each with their own style and means for recording, I have the support of family and friends, and I have ideas. Let’s see what comes of it, shall we?

Stay tuned…

Nine Steps to Avoiding Cancer

Adam Voiland of the US News and World report wrote up a good summary of the results from a recent study by the big cancer institutes. It contains nine simple ways to lessen your risk of cancer. We’ve lost (and almost lost) so many good people to this horrible disease already so please read and share this.

Avoiding Cancer: Your Nine-Point Action Plan

The gist of a long-awaited analysis of cancer-prevention studies out this week: Be slim, very slim. The report by the World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research states in no uncertain terms that the more pounds you’re packing, the greater your risk of developing a number of cancers, everywhere from the colon and the breast to the kidney and the pancreas. And it gave detailed advice on avoidance. Here’s what you can do:

1. Be as lean as possible. Normal is OK, but you actually want to be on the lower end of the normal range of the body mass index, a number that relates your weight to your height. Aim for a BMI of 21 to 23–for a man 6-feet tall, that’s about 162 pounds.

2. Be active. There’s no getting around it. You need 60 minutes or more of moderate exercise, or 30 minutes of vigorous physical exercise, every day.

3. Avoid “energy-dense foods” and sugary drinks. That means cut way, way back on high-calorie fast food and soda.

4. Eat mostly plants. Shoot for five portions of nonstarchy fruits and vegetables each day. And french fries don’t count. The starchy vegetables like potatoes and yams probably don’t offer the same benefits as others such as greens, broccoli, okra, eggplants, and bok choy.

5. Back off on the red meat. Eat less than 500 grams (18 ounces) a week, and banish processed meats from your diet altogether.

6. Limit alcohol. It’s two drinks a day tops for men and one for women.

7. Avoid salty foods. Salts can cause stomach cancer, so be wary of highly processed salt-infused foods. Some processed foods that don’t seem very salty–such as bread or cereal–can actually be loaded.

8. Don’t pin your hopes on dietary supplements. High doses of nutrients can both protect against and promote cancer. But unless scientists can do a better job of sorting out which do which, your best bet will be to get the nutrients you need from foods.

9. Breast-feed your baby. Doing this for at least the first six months will help protect both the mother from breast cancer and the infant from obesity and other problems.

The panel made a 10th recommendation that probably goes without saying: Cancer survivors should maintain this lifestyle, too. The full report is available at www.dietandcancerreport.org.

Musings on Frankenstein and Dracula

Books I’m ashamed to admit that in my youth and all during school I was not an avid reader. I was always more of a visual person; very much into films, video games, and so on. I read only when I had to and didn’t retain very much outside of vague plotlines. For example, I read Hamlet and all I remembered was that just about everyone died at the end and there was a ghost running around scaring the bejeezus out of everyone. I read Catcher in the Rye and couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it years later. You get the idea.So late in life, books have now become something I enjoy on a regular basis, though I still don’t really “love” to read. What I mean is I use books to pass the time. I have a fairly decent commute into New York every day so I read on the bus and the subway rides. When I go to the gym, I sit on the exercise bike and read. It’s reading for convenience, not really for fun, but I’m using that to my advantage and it’s a win-win scenario for me. I pass the time quickly and I get to catch up on tons of stuff I should have read as a youngster, plus read things I actually might want to read as well.

In any case, what I’ve been doing is going through classics and picking them up a few at a time, then reading them. I’ve read things like Dante’s Inferno trilogy, Stephen King pieces like ‘Salem’s Lot and The Dead Zone, 1984, Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes and Fahrenheit 451, a big Poe compilation, and more recently I picked up a great little Signet paperback that contains three classic horror tales: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I’ll read the last story soon but I wanted to discuss the first two, today being Halloween and all.

Frankenstein

FrankensteinAgain, pardon my ignorance on this one but the book really threw me for a loop. Growing up a visual person, watching all the Frankenstein movies and what not, really reinforced a lot of notions in my mind as far as the story of Frankenstein goes. There was a “mad” scientist who came across his grandfather’s old notes about the possibility of reanimating dead human tissue and he locks himself in a castle with a hunchback named Ygor (or is it Eye-gore?) and there’s this big scene with lightning and a lot of shouting, resulting in the creation of a monster who has a few adventures of his own, etc. You know the story — but do you know the real story? I sure didn’t.

The book is told mostly in flashback as a world traveler, Captain Walton, comes across a maddened and near death Victor Frankenstein who is still in pursuit of the monster he once created, now ravaging the earth and running for his life from his maker. Victor is telling his story to Walton in the hopes that should he die, this man will take up the charge and rid the world of this monster forever. In essence, the whole story is told by Walton as relayed by Victor.

The book goes far back into Victor’s youth and follows him into his schooling years, meeting up with professors who realize his uncanny potential and either try to squash it or support it. Combining science with other philosophies, he comes upon a way to reanimate a human body and decides to make it happen. However, in the book, this is told in passing almost as an afterthought. The methods he used, the people involved, and all the dramatics you’re used to from the movies are almost completely non-existent. Due to the non-linear nature of the narrative, I kept thinking that at some point the author would go into detail about the actual creation of the monster but it never happens.

What we are treated to, however, is a different, but equally captivating story. Victor almost instantly regrets his decision to create life in the form of this monster, who escapes the lab and wanders off. From there a strange series of events takes place that involve murders, accusations, trials and more death - all stemming from this horrible night that Victor decided to make life from something dead. He struggles, mentally, throughout the remainder of his life, feeling extreme guilt and a desire to vanquish the monster.

I won’t go into too much detail but suffice it to say the monster tracks down his creator but in the process kills a few people (including Victor’s younger brother) and frames others for his actions. At one point, Victor runs away for a time to gather his thoughts and lo and behold, the monster follows him! By the time Victor goes off, it’s been a long time since the monster’s creation and the monster has educated himself by observing a family living in the country and living under their noses. The monster and Victor have a strange encounter that is confrontational at first but then they both agree that the monster’s sorrowful tale of where he has been all this time should at least be heard.

The monster is very child-like, almost a child in a human body. He spent a lot of time observing this family in the country, learning to speak, and even secretly helping the family with chores like chopping wood, albeit out of sight, all in the hopes of one day befriending them. Luckily the old man of the house is blind so one day the monster decides to talk to the old man when the rest of the family is out. However, the monster, while slightly educated now, is socially awkward and inexperienced, resulting in a terrible confrontation when he’s discovered by the returning family. Of course, the monster’s hideous appearance doesn’t help things. It’s at this point that the monster loses faith in humanity after humanity rejects him. All he wanted was to be accepted and loved, like anyone else. So where does one turn? Home. He tracks down his creator thinking that at least this one person would accept him.

No such luck.

At first Victor, perhaps out of fear, agrees to the monster’s one and only plea - to create for him a female companion. Someone he knows without a doubt will accept him as he is for she would be the same as he. Even if Victor cannot accept or forgive the monster, at least this new creation would and they could move far away from humans and live happy lives. Victor falls for this initially but then starts to think about the possibilities of this evil multiplying and eventually taking over the world, so he trashes the “bride” before she’s completed, which as you can guess extremely upsets the monster who upbraids and threatens Victor, basically telling him to watch his back from here on in - especially on his wedding night.

Needless to say that they night he marries his lovely Elizabeth, here comes the monster who promptly slays her. Clerval, Victor’s best friend, is also killed in revenge for not finishing what Victor started. Victor’s father dies out of grief and old age, most likely.

Surrounded by pain and death, Victor is not only mad but determined to eradicate this thing and the rest of the book consists mainly of a grand hunt which brings us, eventually, right back to the beginning of the book again with Victor telling his tale to Walton on a ship in the Arctic Circle. Victor came close to catching up with his creation a few times but ultimately ends up dying in Walton’s company but not before begging him to take on the hunt. The monster visits the dead body of his creator in a sad scene that Captain Walton witnesses just before the monster heads back out the window and into the wild, promising to commit suicide. It’s not told if he ever does this.

All in all, Frankenstein was a pleasant surprise even though it doesn’t move very quickly and feels a bit bloated at times. I liked how the whole “bride” concept was introduced here. It’s never seen to completion in the book but as you know, the films took the concept and ran with it. It also blew my mind that the monster actually spoke in the book. We’re so used to that big, flat topped, bolt-necked, grunting freak - but here he is in the book, speaking like a Harvard graduate. It’s actually quite chilling.

I probably won’t read it again because it’s not a very “fun” read, but I’m glad I read it and know the real story. Now when I see any Frankenstein films, I can keep an eye out for differences. In fact, I have Kenneth Branagh’s version on my DVR, ready to watch for it’s supposed to be somewhat faithful to the book.

So, while it wasn’t what I was expecting, I have to say that it’s a very good and well-written story about the dangers of playing God, but very far from the tales that have been integrated into pop culture. But you can’t blame Shelley for that. Blame Hollywood.

PS - Remember kiddies, Victor Frankenstein is the man who created the monster, not the monster itself! It’s become a pet peeve of mine how people refer to the monster as Frankenstein. At least call him “Frankenstein’s Monster” instead.

Dracula

DraculaThe tale of Dracula is another one that was taken by Hollywood long ago and branched into so many directions that the original novel became lost in translation, so to speak. It wasn’t until the early 90’s when Francis Ford Coppola took it back to its roots that we got a more faithful adaptation of the classic horror story - and this one truly is a grand tale of horror, but also of hope, determination, and eventual triumph over the darkness of evil.

Bram Stoker’s story of the tail end of the reign of the Vampire named Dracula wastes no time. From page one, you’re dropped into the aura of the book and you’ll find it hard to put it down. The tale of Dracula is actually quite simple when you boil it down. An immortal vampire living in a remote area of the Carpathian mountains in Transylvania has been plotting a move to the London area for some time, probably more years than you think. Remember, he’s immortal - he’s got nothing BUT time - so he’s patient and calculating. There’s no rush.

This lackadaisical and sort of carefree attitude is ultimately his downfall. He believes himself more powerful than he actually is and gets sloppy. His plans are therefore revealed by a select few who drive him away and back to his homeland, resulting in a final confrontation for the ages.

That’s really oversimplifying this excellent book, however.

One of the things I really enjoyed about it is the way it’s told. It is relayed almost entirely through journal and diary entries as if someone (Bram Stoker) somehow discovered this bundle of written (and recorded) material and thought it best to share it with the world. It doesn’t read like a work of fiction. It feels like a warning: evil does exist and no matter what the consequences, it must be defeated.

The Count himself is just creepy in the book. He’s more creepy than perhaps any film can convey. He can appear old or young, he can scale a wall like a lizard, he can turn to mist and travel on the wind, he can take the form of an animal like a bat or a wolf, and so much more. He’s cold, cunning, diabolical and never, ever, rushes into anything. Like I said, he’s got time to spare.

The Count is interested in London-area realty and decides some purchases are in order. This would require legal assistance, since the Count lives out in the sticks and knows nothing of modern laws. Enter Jonathan Harker, a relatively new Solicitor. His boss sends him out to stay with the count for a bit and advise him. Harker realizes that he’s been made a prisoner in the castle, however, and barely escapes after a time but not without witnessing a few strange and disturbing events including a meeting of Dracula’s three “brides” who almost dine on him, the Count scaling the wall outside his room ala Spider-Man, the “brides” snacking on an infant stolen by the Count on a recent trip, the Count’s lack of reflection and hatred of mirrors, the fact that he never sees him eat, and a host of other odd things. After taking a few risks, Harker escapes the castle within an inch of his life.

Dracula arrives in a box of dirt along with a bunch of other boxes of dirt that land in a few different places and he soon begins to dine on a woman named Lucy Westerna, a good friend of Mina Murray, soon to be Mina Harker. Lucy starts to act strange and begins sleepwalking and looking pale all the time. Around this time a horde of men all propose to her at once which is odd. The men, however, play key roles in the story. Dr. Seward, Quincey Morris, and Arthur Holmwood make up half of the team that eventually hunts down and kills the Count. The other three are Mina, Jonathan, and everyone’s favorite man from Amsterdam - Abraham Van Helsing who is called in by Seward to help diagnose Lucy.

Diagnose Lucy, he does, but keeps the conclusion to himself so as not to lose the respect of his peers. He only alludes and gives vague clues as to what he thinks, speaking in riddles and putting off further discussion by distracting Seward and others with orders and double-talk. Van Helsing is a great character and my favorite of the novel. He’s open minded and no nonsense; confident in his conclusions and careful in how to go about his plans without arousing suspicion or malice directed towards him. He’s the star of the book in my eyes, even more so than the Count himself.

Eventually Lucy (and her mother) dies but, as Van Helsing knew, she starts to appear as a ghost in town, nibbling on the necks of small children. Van Helsing takes this opportunity to prove his theory to Seward and they visit the tomb of Lucy a few times. She’s not there at least once and Seward slowly comes to the grim realization that Van Helsing has a diagnosis he is not going to like. He soon becomes a believer and they use another trip to the tomb to convince Arthur and Quincey that Lucy is now of the Undead. When they see her, she awakens and tries to fool Arthur (whom she was going to marry) into kissing her but Van Helsing intervenes and they proceed to drive a stake through her heart and behead her - the only way to put her to a proper rest. Pretty grim stuff.

Mina and Jonathan, who is nursed back to health in Budapest - and marries Mina while there, return and join the cause, learning of the awful truth of Lucy’s demise. The next thing you know, Mina is the one that’s under the Count’s spell while the men are busy trying to figure out a way to trap the demon and kill him.

These scenes are all interwoven with the story of an insane man named Renfield who is a patient of Dr. Seward. Renfield is an amusing character who has obviously been visited by the Count numerous times and promised some rewards by the Count in exchange for his devotion. Renfield, though no one knew it at the time, gave very important clues as to the whereabouts of Dracula. Seward and the others didn’t realize it until too late, however. It turned out that the Count was actually living next door to Seward at the asylum.

Dracula’s cockiness leads to his having to flee town after learning that the band of men (along with Mina) are on to him. He’s not a person who likes to take chances it seems. Before he goes, however, he visits Mina in her sleep many times and feeds on her. One disturbing night, however, the men burst into her room to find the Mina actually feeding on the Count’s blood. It’s a gruesome scene and you understand soon thereafter that Mina is now “unclean” and infected with the blood of the Undead. That’s not all, however. She now has a sort of psychic connection with the Count so that when hypnotized by Van Helsing, they can get clues to his whereabouts. This proves helpful but diminishes with time. Mina soon starts to change. She becomes more pale, her teeth slowly change, and an unholy scar on her forehead becomes more pronounced. Once the devil is vanquished, the scar will go away, or so believes Van Helsing.

That’s a truism, for after the Count flees, his hunters track him back to his home, catch him outdoors just before sunset, fight off a band of gypsies carrying his coffin, open it up and slay Dracula in his slumber just before he can awaken completely. After this, the scar on Mina’s forehead goes away and she is freed. Quincey suffers a fatal knife wound but everyone else survives. Mina and Jonathan go on to have a baby boy they name after Quincey.

Once again, the Hollywood versions of this film, minus Coppola’s masterpiece, all seem to deviate somewhat from the novel, though Coppola does take some liberties as well. Characters are omitted or combined with others. Story arcs are altered and all the usual things you find with a movie adaptation. I can’t imagine the films doing this book justice, however. It really is an excellent read and I want to say it’s one of the best books I’ve ever read. I simply couldn’t put it down. The suspense factor is so high in every chapter that you just can’t stop. You really empathize with Mina’s predicament, especially when she makes all the men promise that if she turns a bad corner to kill her instantly and without hesitation. She forces her husband to make the promise as well and it’s a pretty heavy scene.

Van Helsing alone is worth the read. The man is a genius and is written in such a way that you sometimes don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad for the man. His predicament is a tough one. How do you run into a room and tell people that there’s a Vampire loose and they have to go kill it? Even better, how do you convince a group of men - all of whom were at one point in love with the same woman - that they have to go into her tomb, drive a stake through her heart, and cut off her head! He’s clever in his speech and a master of manipulation - that’s how he pulls it off.

If you haven’t read Dracula, I’m going to highly suggest you do, no matter what time of year it happens to be.

So this Halloween, I’m really in the mood. I’ve just finished two horror classics that were excellent, I picked up the new 2-Disc set of Coppola’s adaptation which I’m dying to sink my teeth into (pun intended), I have Branagh’s film on the DVR ready and waiting, and I have some candy I’m in a macabre mood!

Frankenstein and Dracula are two of the most recognizable and widespread horror figures in history and I now have a fuller understanding of why.

Try These:

Frankenstein (Penguin Classics)Dracula (Signet Classics)Bram Stoker's Dracula (Collector's Edition)Mary Shelley's FrankensteinBram Stoker's Dracula/Mary Shelley's Frankenstein - (Collector's Box Set)

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A few short videos of the band…

9-11-07

Working in NYC supplies me with constant reminders of the events of 9-11-01. Whether it’s passing the closed Cortlandt Street subway station (still closed for construction 6 years on), or noticing the tighter security and police presence on certain days, or looking out the window of my building way downtown, staring at the place where two titanic and seemingly indestructible buildings once stood only to realize the emptiness now there along with other smaller, sad buildings circling the area, or walking past Ground Zero itself which stirs up all kinds of emotions.

Today’s reminder on the subway downtown came in the form of five or so uniformed firefighters, looking sharp in their decorated suits and accompanied by their wives and friends. They were on their way to a 9-11 memorial at Ground Zero and all I could think about was the bravery of all those who were lost that day. I looked at these guys with great respect as they chatted amongst themselves. I wanted to know all their stories and recollections but I knew it would take longer than a 5 or 10 minute subway ride. I’m not so sure they want to relive those memories in any case. I’m not sure any of us do. The best we can do is move on.

So moving on…

Does anyone else think it a strange coincidence that both Britney Spears and Osama Bin Laden chose the same time to make a comeback - and both of them fell flat? I’ll save the Britney talk for another time but people shouldn’t really be focused on her shape - it’s the lack of talent that concerns me. We’ll leave it at that.

Osama, however, really made a big Jihad ass of himself, don’t you think? Just as in every book I’ve read about him, he’s proven himself to be a big nobody who talks loud and says nothing. The Arab world didn’t even know what to make of his nonsensical, sociopathic, ramblings that went into areas that probably made some jihadists scramble for Wikipedia to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

Why we haven’t been able to find this dolt and his right-hand-man, who’s probably more dangerous, al-Zawahiri is beyond me.

So Osama probably saw the news, read the bad reviews about his big comeback, had the same reaction as Britney and cried in the corner for a few hours, and then decided to release a follow-up video today which is nothing more than Jihad nostalgia with Bin Laden’s voice dubbed over a still image of himself, while one of the 19 idiot hijackers performs his video will.

Bin Laden should just give himself up. He’s started a war that he’s lost control of and can’t possibly manage. He’s hoping for the best, really, and all he can do is keep sending out these stupid videotapes from whatever hole he’s hiding in. Yes, hiding. It’s important to remember that too - he’s hiding. Were he so tough, he’d come out of his hole and say something. He certainly has no trouble sending a million of his “brothers” to their deaths in the name of Allah but he says no thanks. It’s too comfy in the cave, I guess.

Maybe Bin Laden will finally learn that no one cares about him anymore. He’s irrelevant and impotent. Unfortunately, he’s most likely planning something big so he can remedy his reputation and re-verify his importance in his Jihad against the West. That you can count on. These guys are patient and determined. I can only hope that our counterterrorism efforts become as determined as they are in the future because they’re surely lacking now.

Do I ever get scared going to work in NYC? I think sometimes I think about it, yes, but then I think that the best thing I can do is to face it and go in there every day, giving terrorists the big middle finger. The purpose of terrorism is not so much to kill as it is to invoke fear. When they have us all afraid, then they’ve won. The way they invoke fear, however, is usually through mass casualties. That’s just the way it is these days, unfortunately. Certainly, 6 years ago, the city and country was ripe with fear but it soon passed and we rose above it. As long as we don’t rise so far above it as to forget it completely, we’ll be just fine. That’s what I plan to do. Never forget, but move forward.

I took a walk down to Ground Zero today. I only work 5 minutes away and it’s the least I could do. I was met with swarms of people paying their respects and taking photos with the occasional conspiracy theory kook mixed in walking around amongst the scorns, largely ignored, thank God. Giving these people attention only makes them feel more relevant and righteous.

It was raining and I didn’t have an umbrella. I got soaked. Small price to pay.

May God Bless and Keep the Victims of 9-11.

Never Forget

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The Big Labor Day Bash!

Labor Day Bash 2007For those who don’t already know, this year my wife and I decided to hold a really big Labor Day bash at our place. We’ve had a few small parties here and there but nothing really big where we invited a ton of people. So this year was a big one. We chose Labor Day because we could hold a big BBQ on the Sunday before. People could stay as late as they wanted to and not have to worry about getting up for work the next day. Perfect.

Leading up to the bash, there was a lot of anxiety about many things but the biggest things on my mind were how to feed everyone and keep them entertained. We purchased a total of 80 hamburgers, 100 hot dogs and a lot more incidentals, so that took care of feeding everyone. As for entertainment, I decided to make that BBQ the official debut of my classic rock cover band, Hearsay. With over 60 RSVP’s, the pressure was on my wife and I to come through. I’m glad to say we did.

The BBQ was a tremendous success.

I don’t think I could be happier with the way the day went. First of all, the weather was absolutely beautiful. It was the perfect day for a BBQ. It was between 75-80 degrees and there was hardly a cloud to be found. It was definitely hot but it wasn’t muggy at all. I don’t think we could have asked for a better day.

Next, I have to mention the people. No BBQ is worth a damn if people don’t show up. A very large percent of those invited came down and had a good time. There were a lot of people there who I haven’t seen in years. All of my close friends and family were there. Lots of new friends showed up. Those who weren’t there had good reason. Everyone brought something and everyone seemed happy and in good spirits. Kids were playing in the little pools, happy as could be and I don’t believe there were any major “incidents”. It was like a dream come true. Thanks to you all!

Now - how did the band do? Very well, I’d say. We worked really hard and learned a lot of songs in a short amount of time to have enough songs to play a few sets that day. I was extremely happy with the three sets we played. About halfway through the last set my voice started to give way but we made it through just fine.

Let me recap a few funny moments during our first public performance… but first a little preface.

A few months back I was joking with the guys at practice saying that we should actually learn “Freebird” so that when some drunken fool yells, “Play Freebird, man!” at a gig trying to be funny, we could actually play it as a big F.U. to people who think they can trip us up. We’d never put in in the set list, but just keep it in reserve for that special moment when someone decided to heckle us.

So of course, at the BBQ, someone yelled “Freebird”. Amazing. We hadn’t actually gotten the chance to try learning it but all of the sudden, there goes Charlie on the guitar. Once he’s off and running, there’s no stopping him. However the cool part is that we didn’t play the slow stuff - we just kicked all the cool fast parts out with Charlie yelling the chords to me as we’re playing it. Friggin’ hilarious.

We don’t have any Van Halen in our set lists but someone yelled Van Halen and there goes Carl on the keys banging out the opening chords of “Jump”. So we’re off and running again and we actually stumbled our way through the whole thing if you can believe that. Fun stuff!

Then an actual drunk guy from the party next door starts yelling for Bob Dylan from across the fence. Now, way back we had “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” in the set, basically because it’s three chords and eats up a cool 4 minutes. We had since removed it because, basically, no one in the band really liked the tune. However, it’s the only Dylan thing we know and when this guy yelled for Dylan, we obliged and he took the stage in a hilarious rendition of “Knocking” that had everyone cracking up. I’m sorry to report that we got more applause when that guy left the stage than we did all day.

My brother-in-law turned 30 that week so he and my friend Jay took the stage and - beers in hand - yelped their way through the Beastie’s “Fight for your Right” - another unrehearsed tune with Charlie yelling the chords at me as we’re doing it. Fun stuff!

Other than that, the rest of the sets went well and included lots of the songs we’ve been rehearsing. People seemed to take well to it and were all very complimentary. Even the little kids loved it. On top of it all, I know I had a great time rocking out. I’m pretty sure the other guys did as well.

People were a bit surprised because many of them have never seen me do anything musical at all. I got a lot of comments like, “Wow! I never knew you could…uh…do that!” It was great to be seen that w